#WhiteOnWhiteCrime

Man Begs Local Perverts To Stop Molesting His Shrubbery

Keith Tyssen has been carefully trimming the hedge outside his Georgian terraced-home into the shape of a tastefully nude woman since 2005.

However the 84-year-old say has been continually awakened in the early hours of the morning by “lowlifes” trying to straddle his bush which he had named “Gloria”.

Mr Tysen said he has to make regular repairs to the hedge and is now considering putting up a sign to address the issue.

Three-dimensional metal designer Keith, from Sheffield, said: “You get drunks publicly undressed and having fun with her in the middle of the night.

“I’ve been awakened many times – mainly by men and sometimes also by women messing about with her and making a lot of hysterical noises.

“About three weeks ago I looked out of the window about 4.30 in the morning and there was a man acting like he was shagging her.

“It’s offensive and appalling and is damaging her figure – privets don’t respond well to being manipulated like that.

“It’s changing the shape of her legs and thighs and is annoying because I spend a lot of time trying to keep her in good order.

“I don’t particularly want to spend any more time doing it.”

Divorced father-of-four Keith said he decided to gift Gloria with some plastic mock-pearl beads to give her a “morale boost” after her recent ordeals.

He said: “There were two incidents in one week and I thought she looked a bit messed about to I put the beads on to give her a morale boost. I’ll always try and keep her going.”

Keith, who helped to design Sheffield Train Station’s impressive Cutting Edge sculpture, has not reported the incidents to police for fear of reprisals.

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